27 April: Paudwar, Ceremony, Nepal

26 April

My sleeping isn’t great ( have I mentioned that before ha ha). Part of the problem is being in a long building with rooms that are divided but not sealed. So you can hear people easily. It seems to take me a long time to go to sleep. I worry about Gordon and Pat getting up at 4.30am and 5am, so early. It wakes me up. I am not well so sleep is an issue but at the same time I am going with the flow. I realise reality is what it is and there is no point fighting it. I get the sleep I am meant to get and all will work itself out. A cold and period for me is a worst case scenario in a place I can’t get supplies. Pat gave me a towel to cut up and now I know why as young girls we called our period ‘rags’. It literally comes from a time where women used rags. I am experiencing what it was like. Menstruation still has so many taboos around it and I have found myself somewhat embarrassed over a situation that is normal for women. When I had to burn my waste Gordon was there and Pat. I was somewhat hesitant as I wanted to be alone to burn it, yet as Pat said ‘it is being human’. I loved her attitude and of course I agree with that. The secrecy we impose around women’s menstrual cycles is crazy. It is natural and I want to talk about it openly more. I can see our primitive approaches.  I learned that here in Nepal girls have to sleep in the barn if they have their periods.  I was so amazed when I read that in the paper, like they are dirty and must be separated.  Apparently there were issues of girls getting raped as they were separated.  I find it incredible that they were not safe from men, I sense the issue is men not women.  Look at it as it is, the blood is simply the womb shedding the lining so it is clean and ready for a baby if a woman becomes pregnant.  There is nothing dirty in it, it is natural and remarkable that nature has designed women in this way.  Yet still in the 21^st century we are still regarding it as shame, or to be hidden, that to me is the dark ages.  It is time to stand up and become mature about our bodies and their many processes.  Returning to the true self is about coming to terms with our bodies without shame but with celebration. I met young women here in Australia that were celebrating their bodies and they connected with celtic rituals, goddess mythology and the cycles of menstruation.  I think this is a sign of the rising feminine. I might add here that the feminine and masculine are in both men and women.  The feminine is the nurturing, compassionate side of our nature, in men it comes across as a gentle man that is sensitive to others.  There was a time on the planet where matriarchy was in leadership and cycles were observed and the female seen as the creator of life.  I know of an American Indian who told me he grew up in matriarchy and that after a woman gave birth the man would have the baby for 3 months, he then bonded closely with his child.  He said their societies really valued women at the centre and they were happy and stable.  I see merit in that.  Women give birth and are less likely to take life given many are mothers, they express emotions more deeply and the emotional awareness is a good navigator through life, it also connects them to the unseen or spiritual reality. Our world is not just what you see and touch, it is the unseen as well.  That I know 100%.  So by suppressing females or somehow marginalising them, both men and women suffer.  Moreover, children suffer as their mothers are their primary carers and if they see her being treated badly, they will feel a deep fear.  The same applies to men not treated well by women.  I believe in peace in families and learning to treat each other with respect and understanding that we are same same but different, as the Thai’s say. To respect differences without control or inequality, that is the key to peace.  The family is central to that. I recall the Bahai saying that humanity is a bird, man is one wing, woman is the other, with one wing they go in circles, with both wings they fly.  This is a truism.

The economic situation also holds challenges for humanity.  I recall in Ghara an old man said to me that he believed people have become dishonest and greedy. The same is apparent in my own culture, it is a global phenomenon and it is driven by a system of economic that rewards greed as profit and growth. Yet even as I write this I am aware that we have to start to focus on what is going well rather than on what is not. As we focus on the ills of the world we expand it, I say this because all of life is energy. Any physicist will tell you it is all swirling atoms. If thought is electromagnetic then we can direct our thinking and create what we like. So I am becoming more aware of my own creations (visualisations) through thought. I will speak less of what is wrong and focus on more of what we want to become. I will also describe what I am experiencing here as it is an interesting experience for me.  Sleeping will be where I have to learn to reframe.

Anyway, I got up and organised myself and found out the time was around 8.30am. I have no idea of the time. Apparently the activities at the school start at 10am. Pat has been cutting paper since 6am. Gordon is usually gentle and kind. He helped with the songs. He told me he did some youth work but he has not been with children that much, apart from grandchildren. Although I think he has a natural disposition for teaching and children. Pat is the experienced teacher, she has been a university lecturer in anthropology, so she is well acquainted with planning. She admitted she would have loved to have done primary teaching rather than university. I can understand the joy of working with the little ones; they are so full of joy and so open to learning. Gordon is supporting her in organising activities. I watch her and see a pleasant smile on her face; she seems a happy person inside. She wrote a schedule of activities and included Peter in reading activities. It is a good plan. I am feeling sicker after our 7 hour walk (8am to 3pm) approximately. I am exhausted but find the energy does come.

I had a rest and then headed to school only 100 metres away. My job is balloon modelling rather than laughter session. My chest is too congested to be able to sustain any laughing. So going easy sounds fine to me.

I joined the others at the school and decided to sit at the microphone. I have little energy so watching is the way to go. There are around 100 children there less from the other day when I went clowning. The children were in lines and there seems to be half male teachers and half females. They have a female principal, which is good to see. The kids firstly started doing exercises reaching up in front and moving their feet together. They repeated it several times. They have done it many times before by the look of it. I saw Bina out the front and thought of working professional women in Nepal. The children appeared disciplined and they seem to have a good routine. Pat commented it was a good school. Pat and Gordon joined in and did exercises, I would have too but I really have to contain my energy. Peter sat next to me in the shade.

Some teachers came and played with the sound system, it seems to have microphone outputs but no outputs to the computer (I Tunes). So they were attempting to turn the microphone on and place it on the computer to get the songs amplified. They had a few problems with phase and feedback. I thought of my time at the radio station and my short course in sound engineering. I had some idea what to do but allowed others to sort it. They had the volume down at one point and the mic’s too close to each other and the computer which created feedback. Peter’s idea to move the computer away was successful and he kindly held the microphone on the computer to help them with sound. Gordon was around as well seeking to be helpful.

They played music that appeared to be school songs. Then to my surprise they rolled out the carpets and it appeared something was happening. We were asked to move to another long table opposite where we were sitting and behind the carpet where the little ones were beginning to sit. They took their shoes off and sat down. We sat at the long table with a nice cloth and other teachers and invited guests sat at right angles to us. Behind us was a few tiers of rock seating where young teenage boys and girls sat. Above them were villages sitting awaiting something to begin.

We sat there as preparations were made. As Pat said you just have to go with the flow, it seemed her schedule had changed. They had organised dancing. She said to me that Gordon and I had asked for it. Yet I realised as this event started that it was in honour of my leaving. I was truly touched by the gesture. They invited me up to the stage and I was given two beautiful garlands of yellow flowers and rhododendrons. They gave me a t-shirt with ‘I love Paudwar’ and a sarong. I received a yellow sash and a red sash with OM words (Buddhist). I was truly amazed at their generosity and the fact I wasn’t missed out. We wouldn’t do that in Australia. We don’t have that sense of ceremony or gifting, I really love the generosity of the people. They went to effort to make us feel welcome. It was indeed a wonderful moment for me.

Young girls came out with boys to show us a traditional dance. It appears to be a seduction dance but done very sweetly with much dancing around each other and twirling. Their clothes were bright and somehow I could imagine the clean and fresh countryside and how the romances would have emerged when boy meets girl. Other girls came out next with bright blue Chinese style tops and coiled green sashes and right red colours. I really loved their traditional clothes, so beautiful. These girls were professional dances, or at the very least well trained. They danced with the boys and had smiles on their faces. I was stuck by the effort that went into this ceremony for me. It meant a lot to me. I felt valued and yet they had not met me, the only aspect of who I am that would be apparent to them, was the clowning. But nonetheless I was a guest and I was to be treated as honoured.

The dancing couples danced on I noted the boys wore the pointed hats with what looks like a sack at right angles across the chest. Perhaps these slings are used to carry harvest from the fields or tools. I really don’t know. They had comfortable pants that are loose and practical.

They danced their dance and you can see much hard work and practice. One boy made a few mistakes. I could only wonder what his friends were thinking and saying as I heard a few voices from behind and I wondered if he felt a little embarrassed knowing so many people were watching. He got back on track and went into the flow of the dance. I glanced at the growing crowd of women, daughters, fathers, uncles and older school kids. It was a wonderful performance and we wondered if our presence reminded them of their national pride and cultural heritage.

They also sang as a larger group, English songs. They sang ‘Frere Jacques’, ‘If You are Happy and You Know It’ and ‘Old MacDonald’. It was interesting listening to their accents and how carefully they sang. They did an excellent job. I really appreciated the hard work.

Then to my surprise, we were asked to come out and dance. I was aware of my sickness but no choice, we are on and they can laugh at the westerners. We had no preparation but in truth I didn’t mind it was more keeping up the dance with a chest infection. I quickly grabbed Gordon’s hands and we sought to dance twirling and jiving. What I like about him is that he goes with it as well, so the two of us attempted to show some of our style of dance. The Nepalese dancers joined us in a circle twirling their fingers gracefully and we all moved rhythmically but irregularly as we don’t know their moves. There was a few points where they squatted and I just couldn’t do that as I was unwell, so I didn’t. The others couldn’t as they were older. So who knows what the villagers thought, at the end of the day it doesn’t matter, what matters is that we participated and that is the key to building bridges. They were not expecting great dancers. I personally love dancing and wished I was well as I would have had a ball, but I had to just work within my own ability at the time. I was coughing intermittently. We finished our show and they clapped graciously and we gratefully sat down. This is Nepal, anything can happen. As one Nepalese said, they are on Nepalese time, things happen when they do, no strict schedules like the West.

As it turned out all the time allocated for my balloon modelling was used up in the celebration and it was decided for me to just get going to Ghara. I went up to the office with Bina and had to organise for someone to carry my things. The Principal was in the office. Earlier I had given one of my expanding balls to Bina and a glowing ball similar to the expanding ball. She was happy and indicated she would want to come to Australia. She didn’t forget my words of making it happen. I do believe in the law of attraction and if people focus and really imagine it is going to happen, it will. I have to practice this more in my own life. They call it the art of allowing or deliberate creation. We have equal abilities to create our lives, in my opinion.

The Principal had a play with the balls and I briefly saw the clown come out in her. I smiled inwardly. I sat patiently as I waited for people to get organised. Apparently Kumari would be taking me down the mountain and it turned out that another teacher would carry my things. She indicated to me that she had to change out of her sari. I was then organised by the Principal to get going with the teacher. We walked out of the village and I made a mental note to remember as I left and walked under the archway, I won’t be returning, this is the last time. Even as I left the school I saw Bina make a special attempt to wave goodbye as I left, I felt she too was remembering the moment. That shows me the depth of the moment and what was shared. It was meaningful.